A confidential source who works for Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida has just leaked his daily schedule, and it’s a shocker! I have it down to a T. In addition to being a big fan of Florida politics, I also have very deep respect for the intelligence and professionalism of public servants.
The source told me that this person would only speak on background if I personally vouched for the credibility of my source. That is the least I can do, since the source has been so forthcoming with me, so I have vouched for his professionalism and honesty.
The source detailed DeSantis’ wild drug use, the influence of the governor’s wife, DeSantis’ reliance on his staff, DeSantis’ “special” friends and his secret (to everyone) extramarital relationships.
I’ve put in a call to my source’s contact, who told me the following: “I would never tell anyone this, but what he’s shared is accurate. I can tell you that he has been with Ron DeSantis on many trips to the Bahamas and on one occasion met with his wife.”
3:00 p.m. rise
3:05 Chivas Regal with the morning papers
3:45 cocaine
4:15 gin
4:45 dinner at El Palacio de las Americas
6:00 cocaine
6:30 dinner at The Ritz-Carlton
7:00 vodka
8:00 Ambien
8:30 dinner at The Ivy (with “the ladies”)
9:00 bath
9:20 Xanax
9:45 whiskey
10:05 marijuana to “relax”
10:20 cocaine
10:45 dinner at Le Parker Meridien
11:00 Xanax
11:15 Ambien
11:30 whiskey
12:00 a.m. marijuana
12:20 bed
5:30 rise
5:40 coffee
6:00 breakfast at The Mansion (with the wife and kids)
6:30 chardonnay and cocaine
6:45 wife drops off kids at school
7:15 cocaine
7:30 morning papers
7:45 Percoset
8:00 vodka
8:05 morphine
8:20 a visit to a “specialist” (code for “sex”)
8:30 vodka
9:15 meeting with advisors
9:45 cocaine
10:00 heroin
10:30 lunch at El Floridita (with the kids)
10:45 marijuana
11:00 cocaine
11:30 dinner at The Palm (with the wife)
12:00 vodka
12:15 morphine
12:30 bed
The Governor is known for his ability to stay up all night. He gets so wrapped up in the campaign that he actually takes Xanax in an attempt to “relax” from all the stress. On election night, there are reports of him going into early-morning voting places, and making a mad dash to the nearest liquor store to stock up on vodka.
This is all based on actual eyewitness accounts of the Governor’s lifestyle, which included a “private jet” and a personal chauffeur. His family says that after a hard day of partying, he’d often fall into his bed, exhausted, to take a few minutes to think of his campaign strategy before getting up.
The Governor’s advisers claim he can stay awake for as long as 24 hours straight. “He’ll stay awake for days on end, working out strategy while he’s awake,” said a spokesman. “That’s the only reason he’s successful. He knows when to rest, when to party, when to go out.”
In addition, the Governor has been known to take a few lines of cocaine (after-hours, and out-of-town) in the hopes that he will be more “excited” when he wakes up the next morning. But his staff says he always has the common sense to cut himself off as soon as he realizes the mistake he’s made.
“It’s no secret that the Governor likes to party,” said a source close to the campaign. “We’ve seen it firsthand, the Governor on the night before his appearance. We’ve seen the Governor in his hotel rooms, and we’ve seen the Governor when he’s in the middle of a rally. We know he likes to party, and he’ll party to exhaustion.”